The Male Order

Anyone order a man?


So, as I mentioned in my last post, online dating was something beyond anything I’d previously thought.

The only way I can describe it… It’s like a catalogue.

The premise being you go through the options, discard what you don’t like, save for later what you do and browse what it has to offer you. The excitement is still there, the power of choosing is still there but this time it’s a bit more than choosing next Summer’s garden furniture. (After a while, the garden furniture becomes more appealing) This is what I wholly discovered when looking through the endless array of profiles.

Where do you start?

Like a catalogue, you flick through, see a couple of potentials, maybe make a mental note or make your choice and see what happens. The thing about dating sites that many people protest about but secretly love is the ability to ‘flick’ through and judge people on their looks. Admit it, how often do you make a pre-judgement about someone based on their looks before you get to know them? Exactly. There will be plenty of unsuitables but a limitation on the suitables. Sometimes the unsuitables are actually suitables and everything gets even more surprising.

This is a generic screen shot from a dating site just to prove how catalogue sites can be:

Popular dating site screen shot

I started to get slightly unsociable and ashamedly addicted to the judging process, spending spare minutes in my day judging gentlemen. But they must go through the same thing right?

Admittedly, there were several who liked the look of me that I didn’t like the look of but you keep powering through in hope of finding the ‘suitable’. Then came the scary moment when someone of my taste liked me back. You like the look of them and they like the look of you. Simple, right?

Pervy Hotel Guy aka ‘Thom’

This first encounter was called *Thom & through the medium of online conversation, he seemed like a proper gentleman. He was an engineer, living not too far away with a good sense of humour & distinctive features. He then asked if he could have my number to arrange a coffee-date (always exciting unless you’re me…not a coffee drinker). We chatted on WhatsApp for a few days (I have a theory about this app but I’ll talk about that later) and arranged to meet up.

We talked for a few hours and everything was going smoothly. When the date had come to its natural end, we had a quick kiss outside Starbucks (which prompted children to do the one thing that must be done… ‘Oooooo!’)

What followed was a series of ‘cock-shots’, inappropriate conversations about my underwear and an invitation to join him in a hotel for the night because he was too embarrassed to invite me to his home with his housemates. He appropriately became known as ‘Pervy Hotel Guy’.

This was the first  unsuccessful catalogue ‘purchase’… Should’ve stuck with the garden furniture.

*Names have been changed in order to not embarrass myself with some of the slightly odd choices I made along the way. Those who got on the wrong side of me might just be mentioned.


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